It’s scary writing this post. Mainly because it takes a lot of wrangling with my negative inner voice to put it out there. But I can feel that how I blog is changing and that’s why I haven’t been here in any real way for months now. Which makes me sad.

Here are the bare bones:

• There were significant technical issues with the shop and the blog in the spring
• I had to close the shop to get them sorted (thanks to my wonderful husband, who carved time out of his already incredibly busy life to get the work done)
• There is now a backlog of yarn that needs photographing and putting into the shop
• I have very small children so finding the time to get the photographing done is tricky
• I got pregnant at the start of the summer so I didn’t have the energy or the non-foggy head, along with everything else, to get the work done around the children, and no evenings to speak of.
• I feel like if I don’t blog about the yarn being in the shop then people will read what I do say and think that I am a) lazy, b) careless and c) not worth their time
• (I generally have a good attitude about myself but something about going into business in this way feels really vulnerable to me)
• So I don’t blog about anything.
• And. I don’t want to blog about my life, because it’s really hard to get right and be authentic. It is, however, easy to edit your blog to show only the good bits, the tidy bits. The bits that make you look great, and make other people feel bad about themselves.  Plus I’m actually pretty shy and I don’t want to live my life out on the screen. I don’t want it for my children. I don’t want it for my husband.
• But I like blogging, and blogging beyond just ‘here is a shop update. Buy my yarn.’
• So there will be new content. There will be content about books, because I love books, and I love reading books to my children, and while I read plenty of US based blogs that talk about books I don’t read any British ones.
• There might also be links to cool stuff US bloggers talk about that it turns out we can get here. Like Midori stationary or personalised journals because I go hunting for this stuff so that I don’t have to ship so much.
• Basically there will be more UK based content, but hopefully the US based people will still find most of it interesting.
• And I’ll still talk about knitting. And sewing and making stuff.
• (An aside about the knitting – my negative voice also nags me when I post about things that aren’t knit in Oxford Kitchen Yarns, like I’m letting myself down. But I have a stash – even though it’s small these days – and there are still yarns I love that I don’t actually make. So I’m going to tell my negative voice to shut up and try to post what I’m actually knitting, rather than what I think I should be knitting.)
• I should really give up on the bullet points, but I actually written more about this now that I have in months. And it’s actually down in a blog post…

I hope, as customers and readers of the this blog, that you don’t feel I have let you down. Oxford Kitchen Yarns is still really important to me, and I’ve absolutely no intention of shutting up shop, even if I go a bit quiet at times (because of life and things).

I still love naturally dyeing my yarn, and I am still very proud of the yarns that I put out into the world. I’m thrilled when I see what people make with them.

Business books would laugh at me, and think me a fool, but I have worked the 7 days a week, 14 hour days and all it did was make me ill and kill any love I had for the industry I was in before. I love my life now, I just have to be brave enough to actually live it and not be scared about what other people might or might not think.

I’ll try to be back soon.

There is yarn in the dye vats and yarn waiting to be re-skeined. There is a design three quarters finished and more in the wings. I’ve stopped feeling dizzy and sick and the fog has cleared from my head.

It’s too hot, but you can’t have everything.

 

 

Ok firstly, the shop is back.

I would love some big fanfare! Some big ta-da about that, but there isn’t one. The shop is just open again.

There is a ton of stock that still needs to be added, (and will be added, bit by bit), but that big chunk of time I felt I needed to get everything up and perfect keeps refusing to materialise, so you get something more resembling reality: The shop is open. There will be more stock in there soon, bit by bit, and more stock on its way.

—

Right now I feel very back to basics. We have been in our house nearly two years and there is still huge things to do – all the decorating, the kitchen, the bathroom, the electrics (soon), the secondary glazing, built-in storage, refurbishing existing storage…  I love our house and I’m planning for us to be here for a long time, but it’s still a big work in progress.

It’s a much bigger job than I ever thought it would be.

Anyway the point is, when living and parenting and working all at home it’s easy to get bogged down. To be made miserable by the lack of storage, by the very old wallpaper, by the carpets that I would happily rip up were it not for the fact that the floors underneath (at this point – most of the easy carpets are GONE. Hurrah!) are painted, and painted with gloss so that has to go before we can varnish, and taking the paint off takes a long time that we don’t currently have…

Sorry I lost myself for a moment.

Anyway for a little while, and with the shut shop hanging over me, I got a bit sad and felt a bit hopeless.

BUT… I turned back to the things that have helped in the past –

• my timer (so that I’m just doing a tiny bit at a time rather than trying to do everything in one go)
• making small lists and ticking them off
• making lists of things I’ve actually done so that I can see what I’ve achieved on days when it’s all dirty nappies and stopping small children from jumping on each other and pulling hair
• just doing one job at a time rather than three things at once
• there are LOTS of charity shops around here so it’s easy to get stuff re-homed

…and slowly, very slowly, I’m trying to do what I can to sort things out a bit more.

And sometimes it feels hopeless and sometimes it doesn’t.

Today I can see the top of the sideboard, and though it isn’t totally clear, it doesn’t need to be. It’s neat and I know what is going on with the few things that are there.  It’s as clear as it was when I worked on it yesterday, which means when I work on something else in the same room I will be moving forwards.

Hello moving forwards. I know I will pass you going the other way in a day or two, because I live in a house of tiny children and a million jobs that need doing, and it’s rained for most of the month… but I will also see you again going… well, forwards. And that feels good.

Onward Ho.